are you still at the devil's house?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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