I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
