The beer is more important than you right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
