Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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