so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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