Your face is a jimmy john
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
