Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
