I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
