It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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