A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
