I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize
