"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
