bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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