Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
