Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
