It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
