Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
