it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
