At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
