You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
