there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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