I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
