so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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