I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
