all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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