i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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