i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
