ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
