is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
