he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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