You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
