Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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