The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize