I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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