I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
