I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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