I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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