Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
