If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
