The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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