listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
