FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
