I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
