i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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