I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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