she was so not down for the gang bang
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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