Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
