i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
