found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
