Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we're making bets on your personal life
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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