He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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