I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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