Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
