he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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