so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
