No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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