i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
