So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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