i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
