You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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