Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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