Im at strip club and am horny
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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