I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
