Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
