I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How does one acquire holy water?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize