Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
