As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
